Me, Myself, and the Voices in My Head

A place to ramble and maybe make some sense about a thing or two.

Archive for the tag “sick”

Just tired of it all….

No, I haven’t been posting the past few days.  Even my therapist got upset at me because I’ve not been writing.

When you’re in a funk, you can’t write.  You can’t do anything but sit and spin your wheels which just causes more frustration over how you’re not going anywhere in your life.

I can end up waiting up to six months for someone to do something about my ERO/EEOC claim because that’s the law.  Even though I now can’t work doing the job I had because some idiot decided he wanted to make the rules instead of following the law, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course.

I’ve applied for so many jobs in the local area I’ve completely lost count.  And have I heard anything back?  Nope.  Or when I go somewhere thinking I might like to apply and I can already see in their faces the fact that they’re not thrilled over my 86-pound constant companion, I don’t bother.  Besides, I’d rather have her with me everyday than the crap that can happen at most places.

Got news about a family member who’s going through some tough times.  I want to be able to help and give support but I also don’t want to be intrusive.  I remember when I was in a somewhat similar situation and the last thing I wanted was pity from anyone and I usually got a lot of unsolicited advice that didn’t do me much good.  I don’t want to be one of those kinds of people.

One of my friends was to get married tomorrow and her fiancé left her today.  She and her young daughter who had opened their home and lives to him and his excuse is because his biological son is afraid of having to make new friends when he moves.  What a jerk.

I’m trying to help celebrate Youngest Son’s upcoming birthday.  I went to the movies with Husband, Youngest Son, and four of his friends.  They had a great time and I was really glad they could go.  I just feel like I wish we could have done more.

Husband and Youngest Son are currently in the basement doing laundry and playing a computer game.  I sincerely appreciate that they’re doing the laundry because that means I don’t have to do it and I don’t have to go outside to get to the basement.  It’s not a “finished” basement like many people have.  It has a floor and walls, but there’s no way to access it from inside the house.  And with the heat the way it is, I’m not in the mood to go outside much.

And, yes, Depressive is trying to get me to post but I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired that it’s just been easier to do nothing and sleep instead of trying to come up with something to write and crying while I feel awful.

Maybe I’ll get back on a schedule.  Maybe I’ll stop writing completely.  I’ve already told my therapist that I’m not writing anymore at the moment about my past because I’m getting to big areas that I don’t really remember.  There are a lot of blank spaces in my memory — some last days, some last years — and whatever is hidden inside them I do not want to bring back to the surface.  It wouldn’t be healing; it would be reopening the wounds that my brain has found a way to deal with that doesn’t cause me any additional damage.  I remember trying to deal with them and it didn’t work then.  Time does not heal all wounds.


Stupid flippin’ migraines in my stupid flippin’ head again

Gah!!!  This is driving me crazy!!!  But, I’m still posting tonight!!!

I know there’s nothing wrong ’cause I just had an MRI a little over a month ago and just the brain is up there like it’s supposed to be.  But all weekend I’ve been having migraines & thought I’d finally kicked it.

Nope.  Tonight just after I watched a show I wanted to see on television the stupid headache came right back.

Another night with ice on my head.  And a washcloth on my eyes ’cause they’re hurting too.  Maybe I should just ask the rest of the body to start adding their aches and pains to the pile tonight.  Get it all over with in one shot.

Missed yesterday

Yes, the streak has been broken.  I did not post anything yesterday.  My head decided that a migraine would be much more fun than being able to spend time with my family and kept me in bed all day.  Since I don’t type well (or coherently) when my head is screaming at me, I took the day to rest.

I’m not proud or anything like that.  Actually, it’s been driving me crazy that I didn’t post.  But, I decided to do something for myself and try to get better.

Would have worked, too, if a large weather front hadn’t moved into our area and dumped a big storm on us.  My poor American flag that hangs on the front of the house was targeted by the wild winds and shoved to the ground before I could get to it.  Fortunately, Youngest Son went out during a lull in the wind and rain and retrieved it for me.  Now I’ve gotta fix (or replace) the bracket on the front of the house.  And my poor flowers that I planted earlier this spring but could never remember what they were until they bloomed and I sent pictures to friends have been beaten-down as well.  No major storm damages here.  Not even minor storm damages here.  But we’ll just say that flags, flowers, shovels, rakes, and other items left in the yard were fair game for the wind and bits of hail.

And my headache is back again.  I saw a thing today that said the “migraine rating” was going to be low.  Not sure how they figure that but it’s obviously not getting feeds from my head.  Time for more ice and a nice nap (as if I need another). *sigh*

Almost missed today

Got up at 5 a.m. to take my medication as usual.  Felt really sleepy and did doze for a few moments on the loveseat.  Made the decision to go back to bed after Husband and Youngest Son had gotten up and started preparing to go out to yard sales and a big storage unit auction.

Slept until noon.  Not incredibly unusual when I’m not feeling well and didn’t go to bed on time the night before.  Stayed up late with Husband watching silly movies and talking.  It was worth it.

Ate a little lunch and was convinced by Husband and Youngest Son to go back to bed because I was feeling tired.  Did so and said I’d sleep for about an hour.

It’s now 6:30 p.m. and I’m finally awake.  What the hell happened to me?  I don’t feel outrageously ill.  A little warm but that could just be my own personal global warming at work, too.

Glad I woke myself up ’cause the other two would have let me keep sleeping.  I know they mean well but if I sleep too much in the daytime I can’t sleep during the night and then I get my days and nights mixed up, just like a baby can.  And it happens too easily because of my medication, too.  I don’t need that right now.

So, I hope nothing really earth-shattering happened today because I completely missed it.  And my brain and eyes are already telling me I should be back in bed.

*Yawn*  Maybe tomorrow’s post will be worth reading….

Could today get any worse?

Yes.  Yes it could.

Thank you for reading.

Stupid not-feeling-well kind of day

I hate it when I wake up to crummy weather.  I hate it even more when from out of nowhere I have a sore throat, horrible headache, and crummy weather.  Add a low-grade fever and you’ve got a great snapshot of me today.

I do have to give a big “THANK YOU!” to Husband and Youngest Son for straightening up the house and running errands while I was in my medically-induced semi-coma this morning.  Husband and I thought we could stay up late on Friday night like we did when we were younger while Youngest Son was at his friend’s sleepover.  Both of us are feeling the ill effects of trying to be “young” again today.  And, yes, the evil couch has been taking its turns on the guys — each of them having a moment or two to drift off to sleep.  I’ve been staying on the loveseat but the curse is beginning to spread.

Anyway, EPIX is showing Iron Man 2 at the moment.  It will be followed by Thor (which Youngest Son hasn’t seen yet) and then the evening will be capped-off by Captain America.  Yes, we’re getting our Avengers prepping done tonight.

So, back to the living room and my attempts at keeping my own personal global warming in check.  It’s not terribly warm or humid but I feel like I’m in a sauna.  Iced tea, anyone?

Migraine sucks

I’ve been battling a migraine all day.  Just woke up from a nap and realized that I only had 3 hours left to get something posted for today.

This is it.  It’s not much but it’s a post.

Thank you for your support.

I don’t wanna post today!

With everything that’s been going on recently, the last thing I want to do right now is sit in front of the computer and try to be witty.  I went to my therapy session today and feel like nothing much came out of that.  My therapist is stunned that I wasn’t reappointed for my job and has the same outlook I have on me finding another job anywhere around here — grim.

It’s easy to look at the job services online listings and other search engines for positions and find things I’m qualified for or would be willing to learn.  It’s harder to go into the job location to fill-out an application, drop off a resumé or complete an interview with an 85-pound service dog with you that they weren’t expecting.  You can see it in their eyes.  They’re trying to figure out why you’re there with your “pet” or how you could possibly be able to do any work if you’re “that” disabled that you need a service animal, especially when you’re not in a wheelchair or showing any visible signs of a disability.  And the usual answers of “You’re qualified, but not qualified enough,” or “You’re overqualified for this position” roll off their lips as if they’ve had their mind made-up all along (which, they probably have).

Today has just been a sucky day and I’m not in the mood to deal with much else.  I had an idea for a business I could open that would help me as well as many others in our community, and then found that someone else is already starting one.  And even though I know mine would be WAY better and most likely more successful, without the money to start it up, it’s just not going to happen.

And now the “voices” are even arguing over which is more negative or depressive because that’s what they do when I’m in a funk.  It’s gonna be a long night.

Daily post for 3/11/12

Okay.  I’m upright.  I can type.  I feel like death warmed-over, but since I can post that’s what I’m doing.  I don’t have a topic.  I’ve spent the majority of the day feeling nauseous and my chest hurting.  I’m pretty sure it’s just stress over the play this week as well as my doctor appointment on Friday.  Husband and Youngest Son are taking care of me and I appreciate it greatly.  And now, I’m going to lay down again.

I hate my head today

Okay….quick post because I said that if I could be upright and use the computer that I’d have to post each day.  Well, I’m upright.  I think I’m using the computer correctly.  But my head is screaming at me today.

Yup, it’s a migraine day.

I wouldn’t even be up on the computer if the ophthalmologist’s office hadn’t called to schedule my ERG and MRI for next week.  Actually, when they heard I was having a migraine they said they wish they’d been able to do one now.  Too bad for them.  My head and I are going back to lay down with ice on it to try to get rid of this.

So, there’s the post for today.  Hope you liked it.  I’m not even sure what it says or if any of it is spelled correctly.  I’m just trying to check-off my “duty” to post today.

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