Me, Myself, and the Voices in My Head

A place to ramble and maybe make some sense about a thing or two.

Archive for the tag “relief”


Best of all he (Odin) liked to sleep.  Sleeping was a very important activity for him.  He liked to sleep for longish periods, great swathes of time.  Merely sleeping overnight was not taking the business seriously.  He enjoyed a good night’s sleep and wouldn’t miss one for the world, but found it as anything halfway near enough.  He liked to be asleep by half-past eleven in the morning if possible, and if that should come directly after a nice leisurely lie-in then so much the better.  A little light breakfast and a quick trip to the bathroom while fresh linen was applied to his bed is really all the activity he liked to undertake, and he took care that it didn’t jaunt the sleepiness out of him and disturb his afternoon of napping.  Sometimes he was able to spend an entire week asleep, and this he regarded as a good snooze.  He had also slept through the whole of 1986 and hadn’t missed it.  – Douglas Adams, The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

It’s a long weekend and I’ve enjoyed quite a nice, long nap today.  I have to sincerely thank Husband and Youngest Son for allowing me to sleep-in this morning.  Well, when I say “sleep-in” I mean that I did get up at my usual time to take my medications and let the dogs go outside for “walkies.”  But, while they went to yard sales I was allowed to crawl back into bed and sleep away a lot of the stresses from this past week.  I don’t usually do that, but today it was imperative that I do so.  Plus, weird dreams when I’m stressed-out happen and if only I could have filmed it.  I would have made a great B-movie (or even worse).


Final test result received!

My neuro-opthalmalogist just called with the results of my ERG test I had last Friday.  He apologized that he’d not contacted me earlier with the results.  He thought that I still had the test to take and not that the results were waiting on his desk (since he runs the lab for the university).

The ERG (Electroretinography) came back normal.  All of the little rods and cones in my retinas were firing signals to my brain during the test as they should, with the typical degeneration that would be seen in a 40-year-old patient.  And he reviewed the MRI results again and said that there were no signs of strokes, tumors, MS (Multiple Sclerosis), or anything else that he could see that would be causing my optical problems.

I’m very relieved.  At least we now know that there’s not something incredibly serious and/or possibly life-threatening happening in my brain.  The only down side (which he admitted as well) is that we still don’t know why I can’t see at night, why my vision cannot be corrected with glasses to better than 20/60 (bordering on not being legally able to drive at any time in our state), and why I have headaches so often every month.  But the best thing I heard come out of his mouth was this — that it’s not just “all in my head.”  He believes there’s something wrong and believes that I’m not making it up.  Finally!!!  Someone understands!!!

True, he did mention that all of this could just fix itself with time.  That would be wonderful.  How much time, though, isn’t known.  I can’t put my life on hold waiting for something to magically happen.  He also said that, technically, it could just get worse in time.  That’s not terribly reassuring either.  But, he’s got an idea to at least help me cope with it and make the best out of what vision I do have remaining.

He’s going to refer me to the university’s low-vision center/occupational therapy center.  There, I can work with them using what I can do and find adaptive materials/equipment to help me be able to work and continue a “normal” life.  Driving may still be an issue, but they can help me with that or at least help me get assistance with my employer for reasonable accommodation.  And, with them being part of the same university, any marked changes — better or worse — can be noted and directed to my doctor quickly so that he can see me if needed and help us determine a more definite “diagnosis” of what’s happening.

But, at least I know it’s not something genetic that could pass-down to my sons and I know Husband is feeling much better knowing that there’s not a ticking time bomb in my head.  He said he always knew that I was crazy, so now knowing that there’s nothing else wrong up there is fine with him.

I didn’t get all of the answers I wanted, but I got what I needed.  And, yes, I may be crazy — but at least now the “it’s-all-in-your-head diagnosis” can be laid to rest.

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